33 Comments
Jun 18·edited Jun 20Liked by Clancy Steadwell

@janedeegan24 and I each had a posts about overactive brains. I wrote a poem in Notes and she had an essay on her Substack “Jane Sez” — and as others have commented, you hit the inner stream of consciousness right on the mark! Though now I have new material to contemplate…

1) I either choreograph cardio sets for my fitness class (grapevine right, grapevine left, step side leg lift side to side for four, three, two, one… then build on until it’s so long I do the same thing with the miss-counting of numbers backwards and have to start over).

2) I stretch (over on instagram, I posted a yoga flow on do most nights—might be worth a try for someone, anyone) or use the foam roller. I hold my tension in my hips, so if I can release that first, I tend to sleep better. Of course, the night of my 30for30 poem “Three Hour Tour” I stretched before bed and then again at 1:14am before I could finally stop listening to my husband breath out of his mouth… not quite snoring and impossible to ignore… “Paaaaaa” as a slow exhale. Over and over and over. I think the fact he can fall asleep and not notice my tossing and turning it the most distracting (and annoying) about my sleepless nights stressing about my upcoming “thing” to do.

A lovely (if all too familiar) essay!

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Thanks CB! The choreographing thing sounds basically like the counting the narrator tries. I never thought of stretching in the middle of the night... I should probably do that myself!

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Hello insomnia my old friend--this is a beautiful portrait of sleeplessness!

P.S. that same JB song gets stuck in my head too!

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Thank you Mr. Boucher!

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My thanks to you for the wonderful story good sir

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This is so relatable! The plot spiral thought process as I’m trying to fall asleep. I read when I can’t sleep, helps reset my brain. Usually sleeplessness for me is because I’m just worrying about a bunch of stuff I can’t do anything about in the middle of the night. 😅

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Thanks for reading Emily. I hoped it'd be relatable; especially to a website full of writers!

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So I read this in between sets at the gym (it’s leg day, lot of time in between sets for me) and yeah, same ... I was always envious of those who could just shut it all down with the flip of whatever switch they have that I don’t.

And now I want to buy a Kindle?

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Reading between sets is a good way to ingest fiction on Substack. Thanks for doing so.

And DEFINITELY NOT PAID FOR BY AMAZON.

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Absolutely. I count my reps the same way your insomniac does sheep so this makes sense.

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Jan 29Liked by Clancy Steadwell

If I don't read I don't sleep, it's as simple as that :)

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Jan 12Liked by Clancy Steadwell

Oh man. This spoke to me. I actually fall asleep reasonably well by watching something I've seen a minimum of 300 times already. But I don't STAY asleep. I have a standard wakeup around midnight and another lengthier stretch between 2 and 4am when my thoughts are bonkersville incessant. My husband sleeps like a stone through all of it. Counting backwards has never worked for me. I always lose track. They say when that happens to just pick up where you left off but that only works when you can remember where you left off. 👀

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That wake up schedule is very similar to myself. And I think the narrator of this story has

counting issues as well!

Thanks for reading Meg!!

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Nice. Very nice. Alpacas are awesome. Bladerunner the best. I'm anxious to see the new Emma Stone and anxious for your next story.

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author

Yes to all of that. Thanks for reading Mark!

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Jan 12Liked by Clancy Steadwell

When I can’t sleep under the weight of worry I play an audiobook of something I have already read so many times I know the story by heart. These days it’s Emma by Jane Austen. Instead of letting my brooding brain get the best of me I reconnect to the story- ah! Now Mrs Elton is being an ass. Or Ah! Now Ms Fairfax is playing the piano beautifully much to Emma’s embarrassment. It does the trick.

I really liked this story. It captures the internal dialogue so convincingly it could be mine. But I never thought of alpacas 😂.

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I was hoping it’d be relatable; everyone seems to think the inner monologue was spot on, so I’m glad you liked it too! I think us writers just have a lot of thoughts.

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Currently jetlagged, but usually a Frank, I feel this one a lot! Loved the inner dialogue. The worst is when fun story ideas pop up in these voids and you battle trying to sleep with reaching for a pen...

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Thanks for reading Bryan! I don’t think the narrator in this one was an author, but as a writer...well, let’s just say this story came to me in a not exactly sleepful night.

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What is “the thing” and why isn’t it named? Kept waiting for the reveal but it ever came. Or maybe it just went over my head...

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It wasn’t too relevant to the story so I didn’t explain it, only that it was some function the narrator had to go to. Sorry if it was confusing!

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Jan 12Liked by Clancy Steadwell

I think I stay up so late and so often that I sometimes just flop on the bed and enter dreamland haha. But when I can't sleep, I think about random things and reflect. Sometimes the brain just doesn't want you to sleep yet :) Haha. Oh, I also will watch random videos that make me laugh till I'm tired.

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Laughter is tiring, for sure, thanks for reading May!

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Jan 12Liked by Clancy Steadwell

He seemed to think the fault lay within me, as if there were some internal switch somewhere I could and should be turning off but cannot find.

Unsure if he was right or not, what I said was: “I’ll do my best.”

~

This moment for me really captured the character - rhythmic and thoughful writing! And the feeling of blinking, staring at the clock, blinking, not knowing how much sleep... there's a lot that rings true in this story! I'm only glad I found it in the morning, and don't now have to lie alone, counting communally defecating alpacas😂

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Jan 12·edited Jan 12Liked by Clancy Steadwell

Very convincing rambling trail of thoughts/stream of consciousness in insomnia, Clancy. Nicely done.

Thankfully, it's something I've never suffered too much with. More often I'll end up waking up a tad earlier than planned despite falling to sleep easily. Definitely worse on a hangover!

I find a good podcast is my surefire sleep remedy. Especially if it's something I *actually* want to listen to. I'll wake up and have no memory of 3/4 of it, so job done 😂

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Thanks Slake! I’ve gotten that compliment in a couple other comments so I’m glad I pulled it off.

Means a lot coming from people I read like you and Sharron and Deirdre. You have been killing it lately.

I’ll have to try the podcast thing sometime. There are ones specifically for falling asleep to.

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Jan 12Liked by Clancy Steadwell

Thanks Clancy, too kind. 🙏

Yeah I've never tried specific sleep app podcasts, though my wife has done a lot of voiceover work for various.

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Jan 12Liked by Clancy Steadwell

You really got that flow of inner dialogue when you can’t sleep.

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Thanks Deirdre. I wanted to capture that thing where your thoughts go off on tangent after tangent but if you rewind them you can see the connections between each tangent.

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Jan 12Liked by Clancy Steadwell

So very clever, Clancy, telling this story via an insomniac ramble! Nice -- and so familiar. A lot of us certainly identify with this phenomenon. Question 1.) I count all the things I accomplished during the day, small and large. I silently recite a handful of poems I've memorized. I say the greek alphabet slowly. Question 2.) None of your beeswax. ( I don't know, do people still use that expression?)

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Thanks Sharron, I was hoping it wasn't gimmicky -- I tried to tangentially connect the thoughts into a coherent theme. But definitely relatable for most.

I think sometimes counting the things I accomplished during the day wouldn't take very long and may depress me. But reciting memorized poems and learning the Greek alphabet...I think those would put me to sleep for sure.

As for 2) ... LOL!

Thank you for reading!!!

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Jan 12Liked by Clancy Steadwell

Here. This will do the trick. Two sentences. Memorize, then repeat as a mantra (Shakespeare / Henry IV)

"Sleep, O gentle sleep, nature's soft nurse. How have I frighted thee that thou no more wilt weigh my eyelids down and steep my senses in forgetfulness?"

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Exactly

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