18 Comments

That first sentence (later down the post, sigh charcoal and ink) is indeed, very very nice.

I loved this. Loved the insight. But it makes me wish I understood how to describe grammer. Specific terms go whoosh over my head. I think I know how to wield aspects of grammar (well, sometimes), but I have no actual knowledge or education on the specifics and the terminology. I will gladly be educated indirectly by these retros.

Expand full comment

I have always taken an interest in grammar since my high school days, I had an impactful teacher who was certain we never actually learned the fundamentals of grammar and he was right.

I have been learning a lot myself lately simply by popping things into Chat GPT, and asking it to break a sentence down.

Expand full comment

I also had a teacher in grade 9 (year 10 - UK) who was incessant with diagramming sentences. It was so much fun, like a puzzle.

Most of it has also become more ingrained by then teaching it myself. I wonder how your understanding of it will evolve in this practice now?

Also, I think some of the things you point out aren't necessarily mistakes, depending on the style or voice you want to go for. I guess that's the DFW take on things.

Expand full comment

I love DFW so I very much subscribe to that view, it’s more my own stylistic standards I set for myself that sort of define my tone and meeting them.

Expand full comment

Awesome suggestion. I will do some of that too.

Please continue to throw in little snippets of grammar, even if just for me ;)

Expand full comment

"Sigh"? Typing too fast on my phone. Should have been "with".

And of course, one still cannot edit comments via the app.

Expand full comment

Second person is so hard to do! If I've ever opened a book and it's second person, I really struggle to read it. That's probably because it's so rare, as you say! I also suck at prompts too. The minute someone sets one, my brain empties. I think you're brave going back over old stuff. I struggle to do that. You're a different person to who you were when writing that.

Expand full comment

Thank you Hannah! I am a different person from one minute to the next so that is definitely true

Expand full comment

I really enjoyed this! I read the story first and coming back to read the retro was a treat! I'm quite new to writing and it was very instructive to get inside your mind for a bit.

Expand full comment

Thanks for reading Will! I think coming retros will be even better, so stay tuned!

Expand full comment

So happy my post inspired you to try out second person! Was it the Paul Auster "Write like Auster" one?

This is a great practice, both for you and your readers. I like the play with journaling into storytelling and how to structure it. Do you read many French authors (also in translation, I mean)? There are a lot of them using this kind of style of voice in autofiction. Maybe you have some favorites otherwise. Would love to hear it.

Expand full comment

I believe it was, and you recently also mentioned Auster to me, and I still haven’t read them, so I will have to check him out!

I don’t read much of anyone who uses this style, to be honest. Except, like I mentioned, interactive fiction!

Expand full comment

Really enjoyed this one, I think it's a great idea for a series. It's fascinating to see how you've broken this down, and I wonder if you will find it helpful with your writing process now and in the future? Going through this is definitely making me feel differently about how I can approach putting my pieces together. Definitely excited to see more of these!

Expand full comment

Thanks for reading Bob. I think it def will help in the future. I actually think future retros will be more interesting so stay tuned!

Expand full comment

You know I will!

Expand full comment

“reveals the transgression”… I really love that.

This was a very enjoyable critique of your work. Man I love nit-picking typos.

Now I need to go back and actually read “Diaries & Journals”.

Expand full comment

Thanks Sudana. I liked that bit too. I was nervous about writing this retros series so the positive feedback is much needed.

The negatives I pointed out in this post almost make me want to tell you NOT to go back and read the original post, but I’ll let you decide. That would be a nice side effect of these retros.

Expand full comment

I loved that. I read all of a girlfriends diarys from the age of 12 to her current age of 23 I caught up and then read them weekly to catch up on the latest.

Doing this and hiding I seemed to have near psychic levels of understanding and empathy. This really helped her, and our relationship.

Until she cheated totally randomly while stoned and drunk and wrote about it in the diary.

ME : "You have been acting weird...

Me : "Its like you have some kind of huge secret...

And I just gas lit her till she caved and confessed.

Im not saying what I did was right. I just tell it like it happend.

Expand full comment