This is such a great story. I liked how Marc sighed at the end, just like his dad. Fun note: during the part where it describes all of the things Marc forgets, it says "he forgot to carry the one" and I spent a ridiculous amount of time going "forgot to carry the one WHAT?" ...I thought there was a word missing. Because I'm an idiot.
Haha you got me reading and re-reading that bit looking for the mistake there but I think you’re right the may be none? You’re not an idiot you’re just of the same mind as Marc — number slip the brain.
I've noticed a number of people commenting that the father was ‘passive-aggressive’ and almost blaming him for Marc’s highly sensitive reaction to conflict.
But it’s not so simple is it? First of all, the father’s attitude may not be saintly but who’s a saint? He ended up taking the kid to soccer practice though he moaned about it. I would have said, and in fact did say, “Kid, you fucked up, plan better next time.” My own son is not noticeably traumatized by this no-nonsense treatment. Just asked him and he can't even remember these occasions where his lack of foresight caused him to miss out on what he wanted.
It all comes back to the emotional realism of knowing that both your traumas and your delights are yours alone; other people don't care about them very much. Not even - and this is the tough part - your closest friends and family. The good news about this situation is that your own emotional reactions might not be so transcendent either. They fade with time and become less important than the experience you have in the present.
So when Marc got over his initial shock at his friends' fight he was still shocked and embarrassed and could no longer enjoy his 'special night'. With time he may learn that neither the aggression that provoked the fight nor his own shock and embarrassment need last longer than the moment they erupt in.
Anyway, Clancy, thanks again for a well crafted and thoughtful narrative that provokes some highly interesting thoughts. Linklater would be proud.
I think you’re pretty good at this writing thing Mr Steadwell. Seriously though, I appreciate the characterization that you do as well as just how damn readable your prose is.
Oh, sure. Now I have to explain what I meant to my father. I mean Clancy. I guess I meant that when you look back on such a very long life it’s easy to superimpose events you experienced and feelings you felt at various times and that can result in a variety of emotions. I know, pretty fucking lame.
I absolutely adored the mille-feuille of character nuance in this story. All the little details gave incredible depth in such a short space. As a bit of a Marc myself, I especially appreciate how you were able to capture how his self awareness is only matched by his inability to get ahold of himself. Bravo.
This was a really good story. I love the philosophical undertones, and also how complex Marc’s relationship with his dad was. You’re a master at rendering human complexity.
I didn’t know that about sighs before reading this story, but I’ll be hyper-aware of them now. 😬
The emotional time-slips were brilliantly done, particularly in the way you made a relatable and seemingly simple story feeling like a tangled mystery.
Thank you for reading Bridget. That is a great compliment about the story being simple but also a tangled mystery. Some other readers have helped me untangle it myself!
You manage to pack a lot of feeling into your stories, and not just the obvious stuff. There are all sorts of complex emotions hidden in the after beats. ❤️
Great story, loved all the details like the sighing, SPH, and the types of things Marc would get wrong. I found his father so frustrating! (Well characterized, though:)) A probably well-intentioned parent who is perhaps too sure of their own grasp on Lessons to Impart, not seeing the way a sensitive kid like Marc is taking it all on.
“Lessons To Impart” … ugh yes, so true! I think Marc, being prone to mistakes, tends to think everything is his fault, which is why he reacts so strongly to the fights.
I feel this is a good example of postmodernism where the perspective and tone of the writing is constantly oscillating and I don’t know what to think about Marc or what any of this means. The through line seems to be this:
“The world does not revolve around me”
There is a passage by Yukio Mishima that fleshes out this idea similar to what you were doing with dialogue about the worlds revolving:
“His eye was caught by the iridescent back of a beetle that had been standing on the windowsill but was now advancing steadily into his room. Two reddish purple stripes ran the lengths of its brilliant oval shell of green and gold. Now it waved its antennae cautiously as it began to inch its way forward on its tiny hacksaw legs, which reminded Kiyaoki of minuscule jewelers blades. In the midst of time's dissolving whirlpool. how absurd that this tiny dot of richly concentrated brilliance should endure in a secure world of its own.”
If I had to guess, Marc is like this beetle, living in a constructed world of multiple realities. Splendid little story that makes you think. Technically speaking I feel the literary device of hypotyposis would greatly accentuate the voice of Marc.
Such a great read. And yes the father. Talk about manifesting one’s destiny. The passive aggressiveness. The, "it is okay but it’s not". Everything being a sacrifice, when it really, IS NOT. The chipping away instead of building up. Some parents weaken us at our very foundation.
Not wanting to give us a chance. I was raised with love,when very young- then a rage/bitterness. A distrust, that always made me feel that I was GOING to do wrong, and was a bad girl. I still over apologize to this day.
The fight probably was something insignificant, enhanced by alcohol and may not even have involved Marc, like when in the fifth grade.
So glad you commented on the fight. I am not quite sure what happened. I think it tangentially had to do with Marc, but maybe it didn’t. It was definitely a small thing.
This is such a great story. I liked how Marc sighed at the end, just like his dad. Fun note: during the part where it describes all of the things Marc forgets, it says "he forgot to carry the one" and I spent a ridiculous amount of time going "forgot to carry the one WHAT?" ...I thought there was a word missing. Because I'm an idiot.
Haha you got me reading and re-reading that bit looking for the mistake there but I think you’re right the may be none? You’re not an idiot you’re just of the same mind as Marc — number slip the brain.
Definitely no mistake! I’m just bad at math and forgot what the phrase “carry the one” meant. Will stick to writing.
Hehe, I was exactly the same!! But then I appreciated the line even more once I twigged.
I've noticed a number of people commenting that the father was ‘passive-aggressive’ and almost blaming him for Marc’s highly sensitive reaction to conflict.
But it’s not so simple is it? First of all, the father’s attitude may not be saintly but who’s a saint? He ended up taking the kid to soccer practice though he moaned about it. I would have said, and in fact did say, “Kid, you fucked up, plan better next time.” My own son is not noticeably traumatized by this no-nonsense treatment. Just asked him and he can't even remember these occasions where his lack of foresight caused him to miss out on what he wanted.
It all comes back to the emotional realism of knowing that both your traumas and your delights are yours alone; other people don't care about them very much. Not even - and this is the tough part - your closest friends and family. The good news about this situation is that your own emotional reactions might not be so transcendent either. They fade with time and become less important than the experience you have in the present.
So when Marc got over his initial shock at his friends' fight he was still shocked and embarrassed and could no longer enjoy his 'special night'. With time he may learn that neither the aggression that provoked the fight nor his own shock and embarrassment need last longer than the moment they erupt in.
Anyway, Clancy, thanks again for a well crafted and thoughtful narrative that provokes some highly interesting thoughts. Linklater would be proud.
Damn something about that sighing father got me. That SPH bit is brilliant.
Thanks, I liked that too, I think we all know someone with SPH.
Never related to Marc’s dad more in my life, I feel him
I think you’re pretty good at this writing thing Mr Steadwell. Seriously though, I appreciate the characterization that you do as well as just how damn readable your prose is.
Thanks Cole, I live for comments like this, thank you so much.
‘Readable’ — what I strive for.
No one appreciates this story as much as someone in their 80’s. Said someone in their 80’s.
Why is that dave? Thanks so much for reading. I’m so glad someone in their 80s can relate!!
Oh, sure. Now I have to explain what I meant to my father. I mean Clancy. I guess I meant that when you look back on such a very long life it’s easy to superimpose events you experienced and feelings you felt at various times and that can result in a variety of emotions. I know, pretty fucking lame.
That’s actually beautiful, I am honored you’d read my stuff and come away with that. Thank you Dave.
Lovely, Clancy. Charming, very real. Enjoyed this a lot.
SPH. Ahh, great stuff 😁
Thanks Nathan. I’m glad you’re back, I saw you posted today I gotta check it out.
No hurry my man, no hurry at all.
I absolutely adored the mille-feuille of character nuance in this story. All the little details gave incredible depth in such a short space. As a bit of a Marc myself, I especially appreciate how you were able to capture how his self awareness is only matched by his inability to get ahold of himself. Bravo.
This was a really good story. I love the philosophical undertones, and also how complex Marc’s relationship with his dad was. You’re a master at rendering human complexity.
Wow, what a compliment. Thanks Andrei! I think that’s what I want to do with my writing — get to the meaning of human complexity.
I didn’t know that about sighs before reading this story, but I’ll be hyper-aware of them now. 😬
The emotional time-slips were brilliantly done, particularly in the way you made a relatable and seemingly simple story feeling like a tangled mystery.
Thank you for reading Bridget. That is a great compliment about the story being simple but also a tangled mystery. Some other readers have helped me untangle it myself!
You manage to pack a lot of feeling into your stories, and not just the obvious stuff. There are all sorts of complex emotions hidden in the after beats. ❤️
Thanks Sean! That seems to be the consensus on this one. I don't even think I've delved into all the emotions ha!
Great story, loved all the details like the sighing, SPH, and the types of things Marc would get wrong. I found his father so frustrating! (Well characterized, though:)) A probably well-intentioned parent who is perhaps too sure of their own grasp on Lessons to Impart, not seeing the way a sensitive kid like Marc is taking it all on.
“Lessons To Impart” … ugh yes, so true! I think Marc, being prone to mistakes, tends to think everything is his fault, which is why he reacts so strongly to the fights.
Thanks for reading!
That absolutely comes across. I have a soft spot for the mistake-prone and sensitive ❤️
I feel this is a good example of postmodernism where the perspective and tone of the writing is constantly oscillating and I don’t know what to think about Marc or what any of this means. The through line seems to be this:
“The world does not revolve around me”
There is a passage by Yukio Mishima that fleshes out this idea similar to what you were doing with dialogue about the worlds revolving:
“His eye was caught by the iridescent back of a beetle that had been standing on the windowsill but was now advancing steadily into his room. Two reddish purple stripes ran the lengths of its brilliant oval shell of green and gold. Now it waved its antennae cautiously as it began to inch its way forward on its tiny hacksaw legs, which reminded Kiyaoki of minuscule jewelers blades. In the midst of time's dissolving whirlpool. how absurd that this tiny dot of richly concentrated brilliance should endure in a secure world of its own.”
If I had to guess, Marc is like this beetle, living in a constructed world of multiple realities. Splendid little story that makes you think. Technically speaking I feel the literary device of hypotyposis would greatly accentuate the voice of Marc.
Wow. So good, I devoured this and then reflected on my own sighs per hour as a parent and how children pick up on this obvious displeasure. Thank you.
Thanks Jenn. I think we all sigh around our kids.
Sometimes it’s all you can do! But thank you, I did try to be more accommodating than necessary today 😂
Really enjoyed this.
Thank you for reading Jack! I have been liking your stuff lately too.
creating a character who compels because they feel so real and flawed is no small feat. beautifully done. i am deliciously envious.
Thank you Jenny, what a compliment. which character? Marc…or his father?
Such a great read. And yes the father. Talk about manifesting one’s destiny. The passive aggressiveness. The, "it is okay but it’s not". Everything being a sacrifice, when it really, IS NOT. The chipping away instead of building up. Some parents weaken us at our very foundation.
Not wanting to give us a chance. I was raised with love,when very young- then a rage/bitterness. A distrust, that always made me feel that I was GOING to do wrong, and was a bad girl. I still over apologize to this day.
The fight probably was something insignificant, enhanced by alcohol and may not even have involved Marc, like when in the fifth grade.
So glad you commented on the fight. I am not quite sure what happened. I think it tangentially had to do with Marc, but maybe it didn’t. It was definitely a small thing.
Thank you for reading Tiffany!